The government defines domestic violence as any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
   
Domestic violence (or abuse) can happen to anyone. It is never OK and you don’t have to put up with it. If you are being abused, it is not your fault and you are not alone.
    
Controlling and coercive behaviour
 
Controlling and coercive behaviours are a form of domestic abuse.
 
Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
 
Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, frighten, isolate or create dependence.
   
 “Honour-Based” Violence, Forced Marriage and Female Genital Mutilation
 
The above types of abuse are also falling under Domestic Abuse, however they come with their own specific complexities. There is more information on the Student Wellbeing webpages
 
 
When/where does domestic abuse happen?
 
Domestic abuse is rarely a one-off event and it tends to get worse over time. Abuse often increases at times when an abuser feels they are losing control: during pregnancy, after the birth of a child, and especially at the point of separation or divorce. 
 
Domestic abuse is usually hidden. It takes place behind closed doors and without witnesses. It is different from having a bad temper, if your partner can control their behaviour outside the home, but is cruel and dominant with you. They may appear loving and sociable in front of others, so you feel that no-one would believe you.
  
Domestic violence and abuse can also involve control, coercion, threats and stalking which can be carried out through email, text and phone messages (known as technology mediated violence and abuse).
 

Why do people abuse?
 
Domestic abuse is mainly about power and control. Your partner (or other family member) belittles you and hurts you to show you who is the boss and to frighten you into behaving how they want.
  
The person abusing you might blame outside circumstances (such as stress, a bad day, alcohol or your ‘provoking’ behaviour). But outside circumstances don’t cause domestic abuse. If someone bullies or hurts you to make you do what they want, it is because they choose to behave in this way. People can behave badly in all relationships (especially if the relationship is breaking down) but domestic abuse is different. It is a pattern of bullying and threats, designed to take control of your life away from you.
 
If you think you have experienced domestic violence, it may be hard to know what to do or how to feel. Remember – what happened was not your fault. What you do next is your choice.

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